"How's your winkie?"

Asked Mr Xe just after I got my shorts back on.

"What do you think?" I replied.

"I think your winkie is hot and loose..."

I see...

I'm sure there were good professional reasons why I had to remove my T-shirt to be measured for a tailored suit (Mr Xe is the excellent but rampantly flirtatious gay tailor that I have... engaged... here in Hoi An). And then why he had to measure my chest eight times, each time stroking his hands around my back and across my left nipple.

Not to mention the joys of being led behind a screen, removing my shorts then being asked to remove my underpants as well. That was a step too far and I refused. Mr Xe took it in his stride, gave my bottom a slap and then took great pleasure in taking my inside leg measurements.

I hope the suit turns out well.